Bad day.

Im so god damn lonely. no one likes me enough to give a second thought about me. my pwm fucking boyfriend doesn’t even think of inviting me places. he just wants to be with his friends.. im so jealous.

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Yesterday

yesterday was dreadful. kids messed with me all day. at lunch a boy poured pepper in my strawberries, so I starved the rest of the day. after that my friend was messing with me so bad I started tearing up and punched him in the stomach. my last class was the worst, though. these two boys were making fun of me all class to the point I blurted out in class that I was going home to kill myself. made them laugh their asses off. great. school is such an amazing experience. wouldn’t miss it for the world.

Eh.

No ones here when I need them. every time I see friends or hear about great friendships I get so jealous. it kills me inside that my boyfriend has all kinds of friends, or I hear about people I know having crazy parties with their closest friends. I miss that, man. I haven’t had someone spend time with me in that way in forever. I just want somebody to be like “hey, man. you bored? wanna chill?” no one wants to see me voluntarily.. and it fucking hurts.

It’s snowing.

Tonight will be lonely and depressing. seeing Matthew is a no go, but I understand. no school tomorrow for sure, even though they haven’t called it. might as well smoke all my spare nugs and cry all night. I’m so tired of these feelings. no sleep for me.