Im so god damn lonely. no one likes me enough to give a second thought about me. my pwm fucking boyfriend doesn’t even think of inviting me places. he just wants to be with his friends.. im so jealous.
yesterday was dreadful. kids messed with me all day. at lunch a boy poured pepper in my strawberries, so I starved the rest of the day. after that my friend was messing with me so bad I started tearing up and punched him in the stomach. my last class was the worst, though. these two boys were making fun of me all class to the point I blurted out in class that I was going home to kill myself. made them laugh their asses off. great. school is such an amazing experience. wouldn’t miss it for the world.
I wish I was better at telling if someone was lying. even if you call them out on it they just make up another lie to cover it up. if I catch another lie, I’m leaving. I swear.
No ones here when I need them. every time I see friends or hear about great friendships I get so jealous. it kills me inside that my boyfriend has all kinds of friends, or I hear about people I know having crazy parties with their closest friends. I miss that, man. I haven’t had someone spend time with me in that way in forever. I just want somebody to be like “hey, man. you bored? wanna chill?” no one wants to see me voluntarily.. and it fucking hurts.
Better to be sexy and racy than sexist and racist.
Woke up to the power being out. the house is so quiet. I like it.
right now its 7:30am, no one is here except me and the dogs. i needed a day like this. still snowing.
Tonight will be lonely and depressing. seeing Matthew is a no go, but I understand. no school tomorrow for sure, even though they haven’t called it. might as well smoke all my spare nugs and cry all night. I’m so tired of these feelings. no sleep for me.
School let out early because of flooding. I plan to go to Matthew’s but then he says his friend is there. Most of the time things are okay with Troy being there but anymore Matthew has been leaving me in the distance to talk to Troy about guns or tools or something. I feel so left out. I get a pit in my stomach and I just want to distract myself from feeling alone. I always get cut off anytime I try to talk, so why try anyways.. I wish I fit it.
I made this.. blog, to release my feelings. I don’t have a single friend. I honestly don’t know what happened. now all I have is a boyfriend that is amazing, but I can’t open up to him. I don’t want to be annoying, and I know I am. so I’m left here to open up my feelings to a virtual noone. god, I’m pathetic.